See Me: For the Record

Not Gonna Beg for Your Time and Attention

It was not ok for him to beg to be inserted into my life and interrupt my regular flow only to neglect me by withholding his time and attention once I allowed him in.

— Ethleen Sawyerr

I’ve often heard it said that men enjoy the chase when it comes to relationships. A man will put every shred of effort into pursuing a woman until she acquiesces to giving him a chance. Once she no longer becomes a prize to win and her heart is committed to him, he settles into his usual routine and the grand gestures end. As a result, some women prolong the chase to ensure that the man puts in enough work and doesn’t get lazy in the pursuit.

While many of the modern dating guides and relationship gurus encourage women to flip the script and take back control of this all-too-common behavior, I just don’t have the time and energy to spend hours and days on end going out of my way to make a man think I’m not interested when I really am. More than that, I skip the dance and let a man know some of my basic expectations once I develop interest because I know who I am and what I want at this point in life. Some men complain that women are difficult to read and never say what they mean, yet so many guys fail to listen attentively even when we state our requests. Here’s my unofficial rule: I make my wishes and desires known once. If no change is made, I give my heart permission to drift.

Time to move on

Recently, I met a man I was only slightly attracted to. In complete honesty, this man would have never even crossed my radar as a potential romantic interest because he didn’t come anywhere close to being someone I would consider myself compatible with. However, I was open to seeing where things would go because he seemed sincere in his pursuit. We came to a point where the amount of effort he placed in maintaining consistent communication significantly dwindled, so I told him in a very frank manner just how I felt. He appeared to receive my concerns in the moment, but his later actions communicated something completely different.

In a span of one week, I went from being open to giving this man a chance to allowing him to fall several rungs down my priority ladder. It was not ok for him to beg to be inserted into my life and interrupt my regular flow only to neglect me by withholding his time and attention once I allowed him in. I was fine doing my own thing before he came along, and I won’t play his little mind games. Whether he realizes it or not, that’s what they are. Men who completely give up the chase to keep a woman’s heart after she’s opened it to him cause a woman to quickly wake up and realize that they are undeserving of her love.

If you think you deserve better, it’s probably because you do.

My loyalty and devotion come at a high price: a man’s time and attention. I don’t need costly gifts or empty words and promises in a romantic relationship; I only long to feel like an important part of a man’s life. If he has time to faithfully go to the gym and hang out with his bros, then he is more than capable of giving me at least 30 minutes of his undivided attention daily. Period.

What do you think about the value of your time and attention? Have you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!

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6 thoughts on “See Me: For the Record

  1. It’s unfortunate when a person does this, but the right person will come and you will see that when you look back at this blog post and think how easy it was to be with that Mr. Right! I say this from experience, I am getting married to the man of my dreams in a few months after only being together for a year. We had met 2 years prior but our paths crossed again and we decided to never let each other go again! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think it’s great you’re sharing this dear! I recently took a break with my man of 8 years, and I will just say that it’s really hard to find that one person that deserves your heart. Quarantine life has separated us, but I think it’s a blessing in disguise. I would say this: don’t lower your standards, you need to take care of yourself first – always. I’m not sure the status of our relationship, but I’ve learned during this break to put myself first. Take care girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing your insights. I completely agree with if they have time or make time for their friend group, they should make time for the person they supposably want to spend the rest of their life with (since that is usually the end game.)

    Liked by 1 person

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